Testing, One, Two, Three...

If you’re thinking about going away with someone for a romantic weekend, book the trip then go without him. You wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, so why fly blind with a new cutie.

Try and find something colorful, like a family wedding to attend and then imagine what the weekend would be like if he were with you. Flying on the red eye. Struggling with connections. Checking into that cozy bed and breakfast that is reeeeeally cozy. Imagine sharing a 10 by 10 space connected to a postage stamp bathroom with your new honeybun.

Oh, and then it rains and your hair frizzes and you’ve got the wrong shoes and it takes you two hours to make yourself presentable instead of your modern girl half hour. How would he handle sitting in that tiny room watching the tiny TV while you struggle with hot curlers and flat irons and humidity that makes your mascara gunky? How would you handle the stress of knowing he’s bored and irritated and exasperated?

Then go to that rehearsal dinner and consider having to keep your sweet patootie entertained while catching up on all the family gossip. Just how many times would you stop a story to explain who Uncle Mike is and where your cousin Lisa went on her honeymoon and why this is such a really funny story? How much champagne would you drink if he were there? How much could you flirt if he were there?

And the wedding. Oh, my, the wedding. Imagine he’s come along because it’s a destination wedding someplace spiffy and now he spends one whole day of the short weekend stuck in a suit in a warm banquet hall listening to maudlin toasts instead of on the beach he can see through the windows.

And finally, think about the sex that may or may not be going on around all these activities. Would you really be having a good time or just providing the one thing you know he’ll enjoy the whole weekend. Is it delicious out-of-town sex or is it simply sorry-about-grandpa’s-ear-hair sex?

If you return from your test-drive weekend more determined than ever to spend a weekend away with your sweetie pie, then you may have found yourself a keeper. If you return slightly hung over and greatly relieved that he didn’t come with you, maybe you should stick to occasional overnights in town. There’s only so much togetherness some people can stand.